For the past couple of months I fell off the face of the earth…
I know this may be something that cannot and should not be said by a working photographer but I’m pulling the “human” card. Lately I’ve been in a world of funk about who I am, what I should be doing and what is my purpose in life. I know that this is the so-called path of the artist and that these are the tides that we all need to face on a daily basis – but it still hurts to go through them.
And I am sick and tired of people telling me to “get over it“!
Yes, this is the path that I have chosen. Yes, I know that this life can be very difficult. Yes, I know that sometimes the work that I do can be “shit” compared to most people. But at the end of the day, it still hurts. The pain and the struggle is still there. Even the most successful artists struggle with this!
One of the things my mother tells me is that I have a beautiful heart – which can be a good thing and a bad thing. There are times when I can be very sensitive to criticism especially about my work. I have had my fair share of hateful messages, some of which were from my own family. And there were times where I just thought to myself
“How can people be so cruel? Are they right? Do I suck? Should I choose a different profession?”
This inner monologue is never-ending. So I look at my work, sigh and I say: “Ugh!! This sucks, everything sucks, I hate it! What am I doing here! Ahhh…….but dammit I have to keep going”. I have to keep creating and I have to keep taking photos. Why? Because my photographs are a part of my being.
Photography is who I am. It’s my inner world externalized. I know that there are bad days but that there are also good days. And I have come to the conclusion that maybe no one will EVER see my work. Maybe I will be one of those artists that gets discovered when I am six feet under next to my beloved. But that’s not going to stop me.
So my beautiful dreamer, this me my lesson of the day to you – this life is hard. It’s very difficult, you are going to have horrible days and you will want to quit. It will not get any easier…but keep going!
No matter what people tell you, whether they are your family or friends. No matter if people around you think that you suck and that you have no talent at all…you keep going. Do it for your sanity. Do it for your inner child. Because at the end of the day isn’t that who artists are….children that haven’t grown up yet.
Til next time,